Choose to KNOW your HIGH SELF - A Note from The Self Esteem Queen™

Choose to KNOW your HIGH SELF - Part 2 of 10

By: Dawn Johnson, MBA - The Self-Esteem Queen™

“Lecturing or demanding that others live peacefully is one of the least effective ways to inspire them; however, when we simply demonstrate that we’re living peacefully, we offer other people a large dose of inspiration by our mere presence.”
~ Wayne Dyer

In part 2 of this 10 part series, I want to touch on a subject very close to my heart today- Choosing to know who you really are despite what others say about you.

Last year when I attended Ali Brown's Online Success Bootcamp, I paid to attend David Neagle's "X-Factor - The Secret Element to Creating Wealth". One of the things that David touched on was learning to know your highest self. I listen to the CD's from this event still today and felt compelled to write about this subject especially at a time when verbal abuse seems to run rampant in personal and professional settings.

Those of us who are honest will admit that we are guilty of verbally abusing others. When people get angry, the truth comes out in the form of words that eventually will hurt.
As much as we try to "turn the other cheek" we are sometimes led to say some of the most hurtful things in anger. While this feels good at the time, the overall affect can prove to be detrimental to the receiver and the deliverer. For the person on the receiving end, it is sometimes hard to let the words go in one ear and out the other as these words tend to linger far after the insult has been lashed out. In order to be successful in communication, it is important for you to know who you really are so when someone lashes out at you, your ego won't be crushed in the process.

No one ever said you had to accept the words that someone bestows upon you that you know to be untrue.
How many times have you said something to someone in anger only for them to turn and say something even more hurtful to you? I know it's happened to me many times in my 29 years and there have been numerous times when I have said something to someone I love only to kick myself in the backside after when the reaction is not what I hoped it would be.

Do you really "LOVE" those around you?
If you were raised a Christian, this is what you say you believe "love" is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

~ The Bible

Yet, in relationships with those you "love", the EXACT OPPOSITE IS PORTRAYED IN ANGER: hurtful words, spiteful actions, fits of rage, hostile living conditions, and on, and on... Is this what you were taught love was supposed to be?

• In personal relationships, those who were once "equally yoked" are now feeling the strain of pulling the yoke alone, and the lack of effective communication brings an end to the once wonderful relationship.
• In business situations, hurtful words cause co-workers to conduct business in hostile environments and for some, these words eventually lead to unemployment.
• In friendships, those who claim to love each other get angry and spend their time speaking to other "friends" about those things they know will hurt the other person without thinking of the lasting effect it will have on the friendship when tempers die down...

My mother always told me to be slow to anger and quick to forgive...I didn't practice that yesterday (yep, the Self Esteem Queen is human - I keep on proving that!).
Just yesterday, I had a disagreement with my fiancé. The conversation turned ugly because we were both attempting to get our point across to the other, and words were said out of anger on both of our ends. Yesterday, had someone else said to me the same things that my dear fiancé said, I probably would have brushed them off and let them slide off my back. But, because I love him so much, the words he used to describe my actions caused my heart to break. For a person as mellow as my beau to get angry enough to verbally attack me, I had to look at my actions and see what I did to provoke his reactions. Sometimes, I have learned it helps to step outside of yourself and step into the shoes of someone else. Knowing your "High Self" means learning to understand how those around you will react to each part of your personality. My "High Self" would NEVER want to hurt any person in any way, and I realize that my actions were due to me not being in alignment with my highest self.

Above the argument, choose to value the TRUTH.
The truth is always important in every scenario you encounter in life. David Neagle stated that we sometimes wish for things to get better, but we are so used to the "junk" in our lives that we think it's normal to live that way. TRUTH: It's impossible to remove the "junk" from your life when you refuse to admit it's there. In any and all scenarios, you will get the best from others when you give the best of yourself. Instead of beating yourself up for the things you say and do, you should choose to know your "HIGH SELF", that part of you that refuses to treat someone in a way that you would not want to be treated. Ask yourself the following questions before a fit of rage:

• Who am I, and what do I wish to represent?
• What are the good attributes that I find in this person that will overshadow my words of anger?
• What can I take responsibility for in the communication breakdown?
• What am I willing to do to bring truth to the situation?

Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Saying "I'm sorry" gets old when you continue to act in a way that causes you to continue to say "I'm sorry". Our biggest challenge is sometimes knowing this information and applying it to each environment that we happen to be in. Your "HIGH SELF" wants you to realize that only YOU can meet the needs of YOU. My fiancé says, "My Happiness is My Responsibility" - I couldn't agree more...My "HIGH SELF" realizes that words hurt, and I can choose to end an argument before it starts by remembering that if feelings are like a^%holes, and everybody has them, then it's my job to make sure that I accept responsibility for the feelings of those around me..What have you done/can you do today to ensure your friends/co-workers/loved ones meet your High Self?

© 2008 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on your small business and personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com/.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.