REPOSTING FOR GOOD REASON: Keep it real—or just keep it: A true look at the concept of friendship.

Keep it real—or just keep it: A true look at the concept of friendship.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

There was a popular rap song in the mid ‘80’s by a group known as Whodini.
The song was a pleasant ode to amicability in a musical genre that would one day become rife with misogyny, misanthropy and “the soft bigotry of low expectations”. The song was simply titled “Friends.” Part of the famous chorus, rapped in a sing-song voice, informed the listeners that friends are the “ones we can depend on.”

I sadly believe humans have lost sight of this concept.
The song “Friends” seems to be strangely prophetic in these times of selfishness. The song wryly commented that the word “friends” is often used the wrong way. Twenty years later, I must agree. I observe people who call themselves friends to others and who describe themselves as “confidants” or “trustworthy” allies, but who also seem to have a tendency to turn on their “chums and pals” at the first available opportunity.

The phrase “fair-weather friend” seems to be le mote juste for those who use
their alliances with others for the purposes of climbing the corporate ladder,
for political gain, or for the prestige of being famous.

In these times of wealth and prosperity, we have lost the sense of camaraderie that goes with having companions — indeed, the Latin root of the word “companion” implies intimacy; it is literally “one who shares your bread.”

The biblical friends King David and Jonathan come to mind, who shared a strong friendship.
There was a reliance and trust in each other that went beyond politics, wealth, fame, or background. Their friendship was tested when Jonathan’s father sought to kill David, who at the time was not the King but rather a threat to his throne. These terrible circumstances never dampened their relationship, but instead strengthened it. One wonders today if the proverb “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” was conceived in reference to their bond.

How unlike this friendship is to those formed in today’s era!
How many people of today’s spoiled generation would not hesitate to step on a so-called friend in order to obtain their own wealth and opulence? The hip-hop community, for example, is rife with tales of one-time friends who later turned on each other because of perceived slights or because of disagreements over money; yet this phenomenon is not limited to rappers.

With all this public strife between “friends”, it’s no wonder our younger generation is so violent and angry.

Today’s younger crowd is being introduced to backstabbing by the very people they idolize.
We now see celebrities who used to be “best friends forever” demean each other on camera and then wait for their faithful following to take sides. There is different phrase from within the hip-hop community that is apropos for this discussion.

Often, one will hear the term “keep it real.” Usually, that term refers to the justification of some form of buffoonery, crassness, or stereotypically ghetto behavior however, the application can be used here to combat fickle friends.

The movie “Cast Away” comes to mind.
Tom Hanks, isolated from other humans on an island, invents a friend out of Wilson volleyball. After he escaped from the island, he sobbed uncontrollably as his friend the volleyball floated away from him on the waves of the ocean. That scene speaks powerfully to man’s need for companionship—for someone to share one’s bread with.

I see many people who meet and immediately call themselves “friends”. I have learned that it takes longer than a few months or even a year to develop any sort of friendship with someone I have just met .

Keep these two questions in mind when looking at your current friendships:
1. If one cannot base one’s friendship on shared values, shared goals, and shared experiences, then why are you friends? Keep it real—meaning the friendship—or just keep it!

2. If one cannot remain a friend when times grow difficult, if one is not trustworthy, if one is not someone who a friend can confide in, then why are you wasting your time? Keep it real—meaning the friendship—or just keep it.

True friends are too important in my life to waste my time with false ones.
I have come to the conclusion that if one cannot offer what I define as true friendship, then one should keep that fakeness to oneself. I have learned to set boundaries around myself and only let those who help me to grow as a person around me. I do not allow those who eat away at my time, talents, and treasures to spend time around me.

Always remember this: Friendship is more than a want. It is a human need.

In a World full of CHAOS I'd be remiss
to not let you know to HOLD ON - POSSIBILITIES EXIST™
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!!

Dawn Johnson
The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2006-2009 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™ All rights reserved.
H.O.P.E (Hold on, Possibilities Exist) is a Registered Trademark for Dawn Johnson/SEQ Publications, Inc. All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ is an internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist. Founder of the SEQ/H.O.P.E. Movement™, Dawn uses her trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on teen mentoring, self-esteem enhancement, personal & professional leadership, and entrepreneur development, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. Her goal is to raise awareness and eradicate the exploitation of teenagers all over the Globe. Her Current Projects include: SEQ Collection Clothing, H.O.P.E. Platinum Coaching™, The OFFICIAL Project Black Love Cipher™, Stop Teenage Prostitution™, What Does Cancer Look Like™, Consumer Vigilantes™,& the highly anticipated H.O.P.E. Mindset™ Program.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemqueen.com

The Power of A Strong Woman (Weak-minded women need not even bother to read this...)

The Power of Being A Strong Woman (not for the weak-minded).

By: Dawn Johnson, MBA “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

Powerful women know that failure is never an acceptable option.

Though I’m always thankful to Adam for his rib, I know that there are some things that God only gave me in terms of wisdom. There are many women in the World who are afraid to step out from the shadow of their non-creative self due to the fear that as a woman, they will not be able to get ahead. Even with so many strong women making their mark in society as prominent authoritative figures, there is that crowd that walks around in needless fear. These women MUST know that they hold the power that keeps them in bondage and the power to get out and become what they daydream about.

Strong women have learned that influence is a gift from God that shouldn't be used to manipulate their professional and personal life.
Often the powerful woman must straddle the fence of exuding confidence while simultaneously learning how not to allow that confidence to alter her judgments when dealing with others. There are some who become alert to their power to influence others and use this to their advantage in a malicious manner to make profits from their power. Strong women DON’T manipulate those they serve. This is a fact.

I don’t seek recognition for my good deeds from earthly persons.
There was a time when I wanted to let everyone know how great I was, how wonderful all my accomplishments were, and how I was just so great. I have since learned that this is not a way to possess my power. I get power each time my path is directed in a way I cannot explain. My power lies in letting my Guide make my heavy decisions. Whenever someone steps up to recognize something I have done, I am always quick to acknowledge the assistance I received from the Universe instead of taking all the credit.

Strong women know power is in the silence of your mouth and the loudness of your deeds.
I always say, “Your actions speak to loud I can’t hear anything you say.” Oftentimes we get caught up in trying to let others know who we are and what we stand for. The art of being a strong woman is that you already exude that from the confidence of your walk to the authority you command when your actions speak volumes for your mouth. I was once told that those who speak a lot only like to hear the sounds of their voices. A strong woman knows that actions mean more to the World than a good speech any day.

I walk in awareness of my importance.
I spend most of my time in a state of reflection with God. Early in my career I determined that I was not going to let people or things in life dictate my happiness. I have been tried and tested and this has taught me that being influential causes you to be a target for the “nay-sayers” and “you can’t accomplish that” venom throwers. The key, a strong woman knows, is continuing on the path that will eventually lead you to your purpose no matter what those who seek to destroy your dream will say.

Dawn Johnson
The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2008 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™ All rights reserved.





ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on improving your life visit Dawn at www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemqueen.com.

Choose to KNOW your HIGH SELF - A Note from The Self Esteem Queen™

Choose to KNOW your HIGH SELF - Part 2 of 10

By: Dawn Johnson, MBA - The Self-Esteem Queen™

“Lecturing or demanding that others live peacefully is one of the least effective ways to inspire them; however, when we simply demonstrate that we’re living peacefully, we offer other people a large dose of inspiration by our mere presence.”
~ Wayne Dyer

In part 2 of this 10 part series, I want to touch on a subject very close to my heart today- Choosing to know who you really are despite what others say about you.

Last year when I attended Ali Brown's Online Success Bootcamp, I paid to attend David Neagle's "X-Factor - The Secret Element to Creating Wealth". One of the things that David touched on was learning to know your highest self. I listen to the CD's from this event still today and felt compelled to write about this subject especially at a time when verbal abuse seems to run rampant in personal and professional settings.

Those of us who are honest will admit that we are guilty of verbally abusing others. When people get angry, the truth comes out in the form of words that eventually will hurt.
As much as we try to "turn the other cheek" we are sometimes led to say some of the most hurtful things in anger. While this feels good at the time, the overall affect can prove to be detrimental to the receiver and the deliverer. For the person on the receiving end, it is sometimes hard to let the words go in one ear and out the other as these words tend to linger far after the insult has been lashed out. In order to be successful in communication, it is important for you to know who you really are so when someone lashes out at you, your ego won't be crushed in the process.

No one ever said you had to accept the words that someone bestows upon you that you know to be untrue.
How many times have you said something to someone in anger only for them to turn and say something even more hurtful to you? I know it's happened to me many times in my 29 years and there have been numerous times when I have said something to someone I love only to kick myself in the backside after when the reaction is not what I hoped it would be.

Do you really "LOVE" those around you?
If you were raised a Christian, this is what you say you believe "love" is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

~ The Bible

Yet, in relationships with those you "love", the EXACT OPPOSITE IS PORTRAYED IN ANGER: hurtful words, spiteful actions, fits of rage, hostile living conditions, and on, and on... Is this what you were taught love was supposed to be?

• In personal relationships, those who were once "equally yoked" are now feeling the strain of pulling the yoke alone, and the lack of effective communication brings an end to the once wonderful relationship.
• In business situations, hurtful words cause co-workers to conduct business in hostile environments and for some, these words eventually lead to unemployment.
• In friendships, those who claim to love each other get angry and spend their time speaking to other "friends" about those things they know will hurt the other person without thinking of the lasting effect it will have on the friendship when tempers die down...

My mother always told me to be slow to anger and quick to forgive...I didn't practice that yesterday (yep, the Self Esteem Queen is human - I keep on proving that!).
Just yesterday, I had a disagreement with my fiancé. The conversation turned ugly because we were both attempting to get our point across to the other, and words were said out of anger on both of our ends. Yesterday, had someone else said to me the same things that my dear fiancé said, I probably would have brushed them off and let them slide off my back. But, because I love him so much, the words he used to describe my actions caused my heart to break. For a person as mellow as my beau to get angry enough to verbally attack me, I had to look at my actions and see what I did to provoke his reactions. Sometimes, I have learned it helps to step outside of yourself and step into the shoes of someone else. Knowing your "High Self" means learning to understand how those around you will react to each part of your personality. My "High Self" would NEVER want to hurt any person in any way, and I realize that my actions were due to me not being in alignment with my highest self.

Above the argument, choose to value the TRUTH.
The truth is always important in every scenario you encounter in life. David Neagle stated that we sometimes wish for things to get better, but we are so used to the "junk" in our lives that we think it's normal to live that way. TRUTH: It's impossible to remove the "junk" from your life when you refuse to admit it's there. In any and all scenarios, you will get the best from others when you give the best of yourself. Instead of beating yourself up for the things you say and do, you should choose to know your "HIGH SELF", that part of you that refuses to treat someone in a way that you would not want to be treated. Ask yourself the following questions before a fit of rage:

• Who am I, and what do I wish to represent?
• What are the good attributes that I find in this person that will overshadow my words of anger?
• What can I take responsibility for in the communication breakdown?
• What am I willing to do to bring truth to the situation?

Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Saying "I'm sorry" gets old when you continue to act in a way that causes you to continue to say "I'm sorry". Our biggest challenge is sometimes knowing this information and applying it to each environment that we happen to be in. Your "HIGH SELF" wants you to realize that only YOU can meet the needs of YOU. My fiancé says, "My Happiness is My Responsibility" - I couldn't agree more...My "HIGH SELF" realizes that words hurt, and I can choose to end an argument before it starts by remembering that if feelings are like a^%holes, and everybody has them, then it's my job to make sure that I accept responsibility for the feelings of those around me..What have you done/can you do today to ensure your friends/co-workers/loved ones meet your High Self?

© 2008 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on your small business and personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com/.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Growing up Bipolar - A Newsweek Exclusive

Growing up Bipolar: A Newsweek Magazine Exclusive

By: Dawn Johnson The Self Esteem Queen™

According to the Newsweek article dated May 26, 2008 the following is true about bipolar disorder (lowercase intended):

• It is an elusive disease that no parent fully understands, that some doctors do not believe exists in children, and that almost everyone stigmatizes,
  
  
• bipolar disorder STILL CANNOT be identified based on brain scans,
  
  
• Roughly 6.5 million Americans are affected by bipolar disorder,
  
  
• At least 800,000 children in the United States have been diagnosed as bipolar, no doubt some of them wrongly,
  
  
• There are many drugs, but it's unclear how they work. Often, they don't work at all, and they may interfere with normal brain growth.

The Article starts out by saying, "Max Blake was 7 the first time he tried to kill himself."

• Many psychiatrists think that in the years since Max's diagnosis, doctors have erred on the side of seeing it everywhere, mislabeling kids and creating a lucrative market for drug companies.
  
  
• In the space of one year, he tried eight psychoactive medications. Despite all the meds - and in part, because of them - he was and emotional wreck.
  
  
• By 7 1/2, Max was on so many different drugs that.. his parents could no longer tell if they were helping or hurting him. He was suffering from tics, blinking his eyes, clearing his throat and "pulling his clothes like he wanted to get out of his skin".
  
  
• At 10, he has been on 38 different psychoactive drugs.
  

The article goes on to speak about the struggles that Max and his parents continue to go through after seeing their son face the affects of medications that don't work and hospital stays that are sure to leave a lasting impression on Max Blake. My heart goes out to his parents because I know what it's like to have a child that most people deem "complicated". I was considered one of them.

Bipolar disorder is a subject that I hold very close to my heart.
As someone who was diagnosed with this dis-ease, I have had my share of opinions about the disorder. Because I am not a licensed medical practitioner, I feel like I can only give my opinion based upon what myself and others around me have experienced. I normally don't give "disclaimers", however I know that some of my readers are doctors and I don't want to be bombarded with scientific emails regarding this subject (I still have my psychology book from college and I STILL disagree with the diagnosis of this dis-order). You can go here to read more about how I feel on being misdiagnosed.

As a child, what we call "bipolar disorder" was referred to as "manic depression".
After meeting with a child psychologist, my sister was diagnosed with manic depression as a kid. The psychologist didn't have enough accurate information to form this diagnosis because my sister didn't disclose pertinent information that would have allowed the doctors to know she was being abused, and her depression was due to this abuse. I believe that my sister was affected by being told she has this "dis-order", and so was I.

It is sometimes difficult for me to talk about this issue without remembering being in a mental institution.
What I have learned is that I am a fighter. I've been fighting most of my life. I know that my purpose has been destined by the experiences I have overcome. Being labeled as having something such as bipolar disorder when I have been able to live free from medication is absurd. For me, and I will be very honest, I will and have gone to a mental institution in a heartbeat if I felt/feel overwhelmed. I don't see the problem in that. I do, however, see a problem with over medicating children and I have witnessed this process in my own family and can attest to the fact that medication was not the solution to my problems; learning to heal myself was.

Now I ask you - Is this the face of a
bipolar child or merely a child going
through puberty?

Why I stay away from "labels" and "disorders" placed on me by people.
One thing that irks me is when I befriend someone only to have them get angry with me at some point and call me names like "crazy" and "psycho" because I have told them about this misdiagnosis. It hurts to be called names no matter the saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt..." Being abused mentally and emotionally is horrible enough, and to have this done because a doctor didn't bother to spend the time to diagnose me correctly is a travesty.

How may children are not taught the correct mindset about life?

How many children have to be misdiagnosed in order for us to stand up and say that over medicating children is NOT the way to solve the problem?

It pays to stay informed...

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!! (and I wear my label of the Self Esteem Queen™ PROUDLY, thank you very much:)~

Dawn Johnson
The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2008 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™ All rights reserved.





ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Introducing : "Hold On, Possibilities Exist"™ from “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

Introducing : "Hold On, Possibilities Exist"™

An Inspirational Video Blog Courtesy of

“The Self-Esteem Queen”™

Happy Tuesday Readers,

Sometimes it takes me a while to start a new trend only because as a recovering "learning addict", it is often difficult for me to not be hands on with something new. All things intrigue me. I feel like if most people knew what a real goofball I was they might ask for their money back :)

I have decided to introduce to my dear readers my video blogs that I will be adding weekly. Feel free to comment and ask me questions. Stay tuned for more to come!

I love you (and never get tired of telling you), and there's absolutely, positively nothin' you can do about it. Have a great week!

© 2008 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com/.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

It's April - Who are you foolin'? A Question about FAITH from “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

It's April - Who are you foolin'?
A Question about FAITH from “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

I am asked on a constant basis when I encounter people in my line of work a series of questions; all of them sounding somewhat the same - They range from:

• How do you find it in your heart to forgive...
• How can you still smile after...
• Why aren't you still mad at ______ for ______.....
• How can you still believe in God after...

There was once a time I thought God was imaginary.
I used to always ask myself, "How could God - this "Being" who was so loving and so kind, allow me to go through all the problems and pain that I experienced at such a young age?" I never was taught that God was going to make me deal with things I would not understand, but rather to memorize scriptures that tell me not to lean to my understanding without telling me how to lean to God. I went through my teenage years rebelling God and all He represented though I longed to have a relationship with Him; a relationship in which I wasn't judged for having suicidal tendencies when the road got too tough for me to handle, a relationship in which I wasn't preoccupied with going to Hell if I happened to die on the way to work or school, a relationship in which I wouldn't feel bad for not wanting to attend churches that rejected my having a personal opinion...and so the list went.

I went through a good deal of what some would consider to be "struggles" in my early adolescent years/college years, but I am not bitter nor do I hold a grudge against any of the people who did "bad, bad" things to me.
There are certainly some persons who I don't communicate with for reasons that have nothing to do with the violation inflicted upon me, but you know - for the sole purpose of not being around negative energy. In my last blog, I spoke about how I used to be very mean. My energy was so bad that I really couldn't stand to be around myself alone for too long (may sound funny, but in retrospect that was pretty sad and a little emotional for me to write) so I worked like a dog and went to school to avoid being alone.

When my best friend died, a series of events happened that changed my life changed forever.
After being suicidal due to her death being so sudden, my other friend who also happened to be my best friend's high school sweetheart died one month later. I had almost no faith; I was literally hanging on to my life by a very thin string - and then in my darkest hour, I felt a spirit over me that I cannot compare to anything I have ever felt before in my life. I asked for God to show me a sign, and as I sat quietly, God answered me. He had been there the whole time. I had not stopped to listen.

Don't you know that the faint conversation you have with yourself is a conversation with God you might be taking for granted?
In theory, I was taught to believe that my link to God was based on what church I went to and how much money I gave to the building out of that church. I was told that I should turn a blind eye to my Pastor if he habitually committed adultery while acting as my leader, and then also turn a blind eye when the "Time to Build" Million Dollar Pledge never materialized any of the property that was promised every Sunday until we reached $1 million dollars. When I decided to explore other religions, I found that a lot of them are based on non-judgement and peace, and I found that most Christians I knew were giving my religion a VERY BAD NAME! God needed me to be a leader amongst a crowd displeased people - who was I to not take on this challenge?

I do have a hard time believing that most ministers are nothing more than motivational speakers who happen to speak about God like I happen to speak about Self-Esteem.
Notice I didn't say all because my pastor happens to be one of the most kind-hearted individuals I have ever met, and he continues to be a intricate part of my process with having faith. There are some ministers I see on television I love like Charles Stanley and Joel Osteen . I love these two ministers because they teach that even those of us who feel like we don't deserve God can still have him; all we have to do is reach out to Him. For some people, that may mean listening to religious or gospel music while for others it may mean spending time at church amongst other people. I spent many years being ostracized from my family because my choice of church was going out on the weekends and talking to teen prostitutes while handing out condoms. My family didn't see this as ministry; I saw this as a way to have church without being confined to four walls. My family said I was crazy; I said, "God is protecting my crazy a$& out here in the church of the World". God guides each and every one of us at each point in our lives. The real question should never be, "Where is God", but rather "Lord, please allow me to be quiet enough to hear you."

Some people will tell me, "I used to be close to God, but that was a long time ago".
Have you ever felt like you were so far away from God that it would take a miracle to be in touch with him again? Have you ever felt that God left you because of your habitual broken promises to redeem your thoughts and actions? Have you ever felt like you needed some sort of guidance on getting your life back on track; do you need something spiritual yet practical to assist you on rebuilding your relationship with God?

The Self Esteem Queen's™ Recommended Reading for the Month of April:

Conversations with God: an uncommon dialogue

By: Neale Donald Walsch

Some pictures of my trip to San Francisco for your viewing pleasure; I left the top picture huge so when you click on it you can see the beauty of San Francisco at night! Enjoy :)

© 2008 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com/.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

7 Secrets you can use now that will assist you to OVERCOME your OVERWHELM and get you focused on your success IMMEDIATELY. The Self-Esteem Queen™

7 Secrets you can use now that will assist you to OVERCOME your OVERWHELM and get you focused on your success IMMEDIATELY.

By: Dawn Johnson - The Self-Esteem Queen™

1. Refuse to secretly hold yourself responsible for things you refer to as "failures".
Being someone who has always paid my bills on time, I can remember the very first time I was unable to do so and I recall vividly the feeling I felt when I saw bills coming in but had no money in my account to even buy myself a nice meal. Every time my phone rang, I cautiously looked at the caller ID to avoid the creditors that I could not pay. I was at a point of desperation and depression and couldn't go down any further. Then, in an act of faith, I chose to use my mind to overcome the obstacles of life and navigate around all the distractions that life brought to me.

This is what I know for sure:

• All the "Great Books" in history tell us that there will be trails and tribulations during our lifetime.


• Every great leader endured some sort of trial before they were considered "great".


• I am a leader, and therefore must endure trials.


• I control how I let my circumstances make me feel.


• I control how I allow other people to revolve in my space.


• I am responsible for my own happiness, and my happiness is my top priority.


• Tribulation comes with being the best.

2. Learn to understand, accept, and embrace challenge.
This is what separates one type of person from another. When I hear those around me going through trials and then allowing these trials to consume them, I think back to when I lived in my Honda Civic for 88 days. Scared, depressed, and alone, I thought this was the only way that I was going to be able to survive. It wasn't until I understood why I was homeless, accepted my dreaded thought process that said my car was the only shelter I had, and then challenged myself to go out and find a place to live.

3. Focus on the end result you want ONLY.
My college degree didn't prevent me from sleeping in the hatchback of my car, but my faith got me from my trunk to a studio apartment. I could have let my circumstances as I saw them consume me, but instead I took the lemons thrown at me and made lemonade, pie, and anything else I could think to make with them. My time was not spent focused on the fact that I had to sleep in my car but rather on the fact that I had a business to start and nothing was going to stop me. I truly believed this with all my heart.

4. Refuse to cave in and second guess your decisions.
Someone I look up to more than she could even ever know is a lady by the name of

Alexandria Brown. Alexandria Brown, also known as the E-Zine Queen, is a person who went from overwhelm to success in less than 5 years by focusing on what she wanted rather than on what she didn't want. I admire and love this woman for her tenacity and genuine yet powerful presence and spirit. In Ali's compilation book entitled "Power and Soul", she speaks about her journey from a small apartment with a Murphy Bed on the East Coast to being a Million Dollar Marketing Coach here in Los Angeles for some as far away as the United Kingdom! At the time when Ali had less than $20.00 in her bank account, she could have given up and went back to the lifestyle she knew. But instead, she went forcefully into her purpose and now assists entrepreneurs like myself to "life our good fortune™".

Dawn with Million Dollar Marketing Coach Alexandria Brown

5. Don't (and I mean DO NOT) dwell on the past.
Looking back at my life, I would not change a single thing I have been through. At 29, there are circumstances and situations that I could potentially look back upon and, with a little help from my enemies (fear, self-doubt, and worry), dissect and pick apart all the things I could have, should have, and would have done to make me the circumstances different. I REFUSE to do this though because it doesn't benefit me in any way and it doesn't allow me to focus on how great I am; so I find it pointless to dwell.

6. Know in your heart that it doesn't matter what culture or background you come from; the human ability to transcend life’s adversity is an essential feature of becoming a great leader.
It doesn't matter what your background is; the one thing that ties Oprah, Bill Gates, and so many other successful business persons together is their willingness to believe in themselves and their goals so much that they transcended through the adversity they faced. Oprah; born in rural Mississippi to a poor unwed teenage mother and raised in a ghetto, had all the chips stacked against her, and the potential to accept what those around her had accepted as reality was great. Bill Gates got into the personal computer business when those around him had no idea what a computer could even do for them or their business. Overcoming adversity has been one of the greatest challenges that, once I conquered, showed me my race or culture is no indication to how far I can go with my success. I could have looked at my circumstances as a young adult and allowed them to dictate who I am today, but I refused to do such a thing (and you should refuse too!)

7. OVERCOME the INSECURITY associated with failure and ACCEPT that FAILURE is NOT a bad thing but rather a way by which you are EDUCATED by the Universe.
We are often told that the Universe likes speed, and I know this to be true. If this were not true, then ask yourself why it takes so little time to get angry, and when we are doing something that we really enjoy, we say to ourselves, "Where did all the time go?"When one of my business ventures was not making the money I wanted it to make, I analyzed what I did wrong, and from that I was able to rebuild a new business with less stress and more time on my hands than I had prior to the failure. What did I learn? I learned that my attempt to immerse myself in the reasons for my demise were not only unhealthy, but were actually causing me dis-ease in my life.

One last note: Keep in mind that if your main purpose in life is to dwell on your past then I'm not here to stop you, but if you want to overcome that feeling of helplessness you will WANT to print this out and refer to it when the trials come :)

Liked my article? E-mail me and tell me about it.

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!!

Dawn Johnson - The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Re-understanding Misunderstandings: Truth and Consequences By: Dawn Johnson – The Self-Esteem Queen™

Re-understanding Misunderstandings: Truth and Consequences
By: Dawn Johnson – The Self-Esteem Queen™

All of us know what it feels like to be misunderstood.
Communication is extremely important to us, and when we are unable to do that effectively, is it frustrating. A lot of our frustration, however, can be alleviated once we re-understand what it means to be misunderstood. There are two things that we need to do in order to come to that understanding: first, we must accept the truth; secondly, we must accept the consequences. That seems simple enough, but I will show you how difficult this ends up being for so many of us.

Accepting the truth means exactly that: not sugar coating what we are and what we do. Sometimes, misunderstandings happen when we want others to accept us in spite of our flaws, and we are frustrated when they do not. We want people to “accept us for what we are.” That is fine. You have the right. However, have you accepted you for what you are? Perhaps it’s time you come to grips with the fact that people may not go off on you not just to “pick” on you, but because you do not accomplish what you said you would. That is not a misunderstanding—rather, that is your lack of acceptance of truth. Truth means being able to see both our redeeming qualities and our lack thereof—and accept them both.

Do not expect people to read your mind or your body language.
Everybody cannot do that. I have a degree in Communication Studies and consider myself to be a pretty good judge of verbal & non-verbal communication, however there are times when I myself am stumped by someone’s behavior. You have to clearly communicate the truth—whatever that is at the time—to the person you are attempting to make it clear to. This is part of accepting the truth; if you cannot communicate clearly, then your odds of being misunderstood grow exponentially. Make your points clear and firm. Remember, it is better to be clear about your truth than merely making a statement that conveys the opposite. People will appreciate the clarity in which you bring truth, and whether they like your points or not, you will be understood.

Having accepted the truth, the next point is to accept the consequences.
In other words, once you have stated truth, do not slander it, twist it, or contradict it if it comes back to bite you on the behind! Be willing to live within the courage of your convictions. If you happen to live amorally, then be prepared to be called to the carpet on your actions if you happen to speak on another’s morality. Note those that are considered “The Goths”, for example. Their clothing, hair styles and actions clearly communicate that they do not wish to conform to the standards and styles of what could be called “mainstream America.” They choose to adapt the persona of outsiders. They have that right. They have accepted truth. It would be a rejection of the consequences, however, if they were to attempt to get a job in mainstream America looking in that manner. Certain décor and certain actions remove you from consideration amongst those who look at you. Accepting the consequences means that you are prepared to live outside of those parameters.

Once you have accepted those consequences, find others who are willing to live within your world-view.
These are those who you shall find comfort, friendship, and perhaps even commerce with. Aligning yourself with like-minded individuals is one of the ways that one can embrace truth, brave the consequences, and re-understand the misunderstandings of others.

Beware. While truth is not relative (despite others attempts to make it so), consequences are. Living within ones convictions can cause pain and suffering, not because you are misunderstood, but rather because you are understood. It takes courage to live within one’s convictions, but to paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, “the man who relies upon truth has nothing to fear from lies.”

Because we are all different, being misunderstood is a natural part of the human condition, and it as impossible to prevent it from happening as it is to prevent aging or hunger.
However, accepting the truth as it is and accepting the consequences of those truths goes a long way toward helping others to understand us—and even helps them to re-understand why they misunderstood us in the first place.

© 2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

What to Do when the World Seems to Hate You...

What to Do when the World Seems to Hate You

By: Dawn Johnson - The Self-Esteem Queen™

All of us have a day where it seems as if everything is against us. The car blows a tire or breaks down, you have an "issue" with one of your co-workers, you experience bad moments at home or at work; every one of us goes through these issues. Sometimes, it can feel as if the entire world hates you! It might seem like the boss is just picking on you, or the car in front of you is deliberately cutting you off, or the teller at the bank decided to go to lunch as you were arriving because they just didn’t want to serve you. It’s cruel, you’re thinking. It’s unfair, you’re inwardly screaming.

It’s narcissistic, I’m telling you.

Most of us believe that narcissism is “extreme conceit” or “extreme self-love,” and while those may be apt in some situations, narcissism would probably be better defined as “the practice of placing oneself at the center of the universe, even to the point where all of the actions and events of that day revolve around and pertain to you alone.” That may sound like a long definition, but I believe that it sums up the narcissist pretty well. The driver didn’t just cut someone off, but he cut you off, and on purpose at that! The dog didn’t just go on someone’s lawn, but on your lawn, and probably at the prompting of the owner! Again, while all of us have succumbed to this auto-centric view at one time or another, one doesn’t have to be Freud to see the psychological dangers of this world-view. If the world is against you, you become a victim, and if you become a victim, you can be faulted for nothing while the world owes you everything. Needless to say, this is not a productive outlook!

Fortunately, there is a very easy solution to curbing our narcissistic tendencies: simply, stop being a narcissist! Don’t do it anymore! It takes discipline and effort to avoid this natural tendency, but by recognizing the problem and taking it firmly in hand, it can be done!

We are often taught that life is all about us. Our independence and autonomy are pressed upon us from the time we are children and encouraged to walk without our parents. As parents, oftentimes we attempt to give our children the entire world, whether they have worked for it / deserve it or not. Advertisers and marketers tell us we can have this world our way, and when it does not go according to plan, we claim global hatred and angry conspiracies! In order for the person who is attempting to escape narcissism to combat this mind state, an easy mantra to remember could be: “it’s not all about me.”

In an era that trumpets the benefits of husbands and wives that willingly live in separate houses (while in the same city) in order to have their things their way, “it’s not all about me” goes against everything that we stand for. Yet, this is what discipline means, is it not? If one wants the six-pack and the sexy legs, then one must force oneself to work out and force oneself not to eat the fatty foods. Our natural tendency is not to work out and to eat those things that are most tasteful. However, in order to be our optimum physical selves, we forgo the most comfortable thing in order to achieve the more profitable thing. The same could be said for becoming a doctor, building a business, or learning a new language. The natural tendency is to lay back, play, or do as little as possible. The disciplined tendency is to push forward and (as Nike so often reminds us) “just do it.” Avoiding narcissism is the same way. It goes against your natural tendency, but you have to make up your mind to “just do it.”

To defeat narcissism, we must forgo our desire to put the entire world into a tiny sphere with our own wants, needs, and lusts at the center of it in order to pursue the more profitable pursuit. That pursuit is for the understanding that, indeed, it is not all about us. It is the understanding that we share this planet with at least six billion other people that also have wants, needs and desires. It is the understanding that the car that cuts us off did not have the primary goal of cutting of us off, personally speaking. It also involves the understanding that, sometimes, what may originally appear to being picked on can often be self-inflicted. The boss is not picking on you, for example, if you come back from lunch an hour late—even if other people get away with it!

Another important point to remember when reminding yourself that it is not all about you is this: the world does not hate you; the world does not care! The world does not know that you exist individually. Imagine, if you will, a house that has a family of four. Now, see the house as a house on a large city block. There may be at least twelve houses on one street—not counting those across the street. Now, take that block and move out; how many blocks in a square mile, square miles in a city, cities in a county, counties in a state, states in a nation, nations on a continent, continents in the world. How many people did you just see? In all of those people, did the driver of the car in front of you specifically seek you out to cut off? Not only is the answer to that question no, but I can guarantee you that the driver is not thinking about you nearly as much as you are about him! He stopped thinking about you five seconds after he cut you off. Why, other than the obvious answer of narcissism, are you still thinking about him? The world does not care about you in that way, so to avoid narcissism, you must understand your smallness in the scheme of things. Thinking more of yourself than you ought, obviously, leads to narcissism.

Believing that the entire world hates you is never a good way to live your life. It creates bitterness, hopelessness, and apathy, which are never good states of mind for productive people. Removing the narcissism from your life—meaning, having an understanding that it is not all about you and that the whole world does not hate you—is a giant step on the staircase to achieving personal success.

© 2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement.

To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Don’t Make Excuses, Make Adjustments.

Don’t Make Excuses, Make Adjustments
From my book: Unleash Your Greatness: Hot to Outperform Yourself
© 2005 Dawn Johnson

Close your eyes and seek what you believe. ~Goapele

Picture yourself in a field. There is a wide open target with a bull’s-eye in the middle of the target. Your goal is to hit the bull’s-eye. You pick up a bow and arrow and take aim and stop. You hear this small voice say "What if you miss?" You tell yourself to focus but now the focus of succeeding is replaced with not failing. If you continue to doubt yourself, you will never hit the bull’s-eye. Your aim will continue to be on what might go wrong and your sense of failure.

I spent many years underestimating myself because my focus stayed on what was wrong with me instead of what was right with me. I pictured the girl who as a teenager made more money than most women will make in their lifetime. I pictured a young girl who grew into a mature woman and became insecure and believed that if people knew of her past, they would shun her. The reality is I was way off target. I knew I had the potential to be great, but I continued to let people around me tell me how much of a failure I was in comparison to everyone else.

I remember working in a sales position for a company that made you write yourself up every week when you didn’t hit your numbers. You were made to sit in a room with your peers and humiliate yourself by saying you failed. I remember thinking every week when I knew I wasn’t going to hit my numbers how much of a failure I must be. I saw everyone else hitting their weekly numbers, and it made me wonder how come I was so horrible. Then it came to me a few days later. This job and these people could never define my success. My focus was on everyone else’s opinion of me instead of me focusing on myself. I wondered was I doing the best according to my potential. Was I taking ownership over my mistakes and improving from them? Based on my answers, the fact was no one was in control of my desire for greatness. From that point on, I always strived to break down the barriers that people put around my dreams.

Here are some tricks I have done and continue to do to make sure that I am always aiming for and reaching for peak performance as I unleash my greatness:

1. Transfer your goals into affirmations
Your goal is a mental picture of what you want. Take the mental picture and turn it into reality by writing it down in the present tense as if it were already accomplished. People used to (and still) laugh at me because I carry around a dream book. My dream book has my debt reduction plan, my dream cars and homes, my favorite quotes, and my yearly goals. I pull this book out at least 7 times a day and flip through it. It serves as a constant reminder to press on when I feel the need to give up or complain about where I am now in my career or personal life.

2. Read your affirmation aloud.
I constantly tell myself positive things to make my dreams a reality. This works in my personal and professional life. I tell myself, “I can be in healthy relationships” or “I can change the world one person at a time”. These are my own personal mantras.
Let’s face it – we live in a jaded society. We cannot always count on someone else to motivate us. Sometimes, you have to be the best motivator you know. I still wash my car instead of taking it to a car wash because I know that I can take my time and make sure that every part is washed. In my mind, I know that I can wash my car better than anyone else can because I know where it needs special attention.

Surround yourself with people who will support your goals and aspirations. More important, surround yourself with people who will support you, hold you accountable, and give you healthy constructive criticism when it’s needed.

3. Picture the results you want.
I mean this verbatim. Get physical pictures of cars you want. Go to open houses in your dream community. Take pictures. Go test drive your dream car. Have someone take your picture behind the wheel. Then, take these pictures and put them on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your bathroom door, and your front door. Seeing these on a constant basis will remind you of your goals. I have never been much of a television watcher. I’ve never had cable, and I have a sign on my TV that says, “Do not feed the idiot box”. I have small pictures of my “dream things” all around the TV, so when I sit down to watch a show I can remind myself that I can’t accomplish my goals if I don’t work hard. This may be a bit much for some, but it can be done at a different extreme to suit each person.

4. Track and measure your progress.
Someone once told me, “Do not make excuses, make adjustments”. When you find a flaw in your current plan, you must be able to adapt to a new strategy. We often get so caught up in rebelling against change in our lives. When we put our energy into adapting and not into rebelling, change will come with ease. It’s still a struggle that I work through one day at a time. There are some days when I want to stay in my comfort zone and I fear being any bigger than I am now. Write down your goals and the solutions you know will help you accomplish each goal. I started with 1 week goals. Then, as I began to accomplish these small goals I moved up to 3 week and then 3 year goals. Once you see you can accomplish small goals, you can parlay them into long term goals. Always remember: you are being counterproductive when you say that you are busy but nothing is getting done. Having a goal system will help you to be more observant of your actions while helping you to physically see what needs to be done to accomplish your goals.

5. Visualize your success
I must admit something to you all – I used to be my own worst critic. I would be too hard on myself because I expected so much out of myself and when I don’t accomplish things in my projected time frame, I would feel frustrated. I have to remind myself that I am a work in progress, and I am growing day by day. I don’t let other’s rate my greatness, but I also do not allow myself to be my worst critic. If you let someone else rate your greatness, you will not ever know how great you are. Be hard on yourself and demand nothing but the best because that’s what you know you are worthy of. You must be able to define what happiness means to you. For some, happiness is having a nice car or a nice house. For others it’s not having debt or having a nice family. Perhaps happiness is having a good spiritual foundation. Create your own definition of happiness instead of buying into what society says happiness is.

Final Thought
In life, you are either an owner or a victim. You can live your life making excuses for why you aren’t where you need to be, or you can be accountable for your actions and make a conscience decision to create each day. To successfully unleash your greatness you must hold yourself accountable for your actions. Focus on what you want to do, not on what you don't want to do. Only one target remains until you reach your goal. Pull the arrow back and let it go!

Act as if it were impossible to fail. ~Dorothea Brande


© 2005-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Childhood: The Echoes that Ring Forever

Childhood: The Echoes that Ring Forever
By: Dawn Johnson, "The Self-Esteem Queen"™

Have you ever stopped to consider the affects of childhood?

How many things did you experience as children that have stayed with you throughout your lifetime?

How many sounds—loud sounds, for better or for worse—rang out when you were a child that continue to ring even to this day?

Oftentimes, the things that we experience as children stay with us when we become adults. I am willing to bet that the first sixteen years of one’s life easily define and shape the next sixty. It has been said that we determine the type of people we will be with based upon our observations of our parents, and if we had no parents, we are forced to formulate our own composite sketches.

We take our childhood memories with us far beyond our twenties. I have witnessed septuagenarians weeping at the memory of a father who died when they were ten years old. Whether it was child molestation, physical or mental abuse, abandonment, failure, receiving too little (or even too much) attention, or family scandals—all of these things can be devastating to a person who has yet to learn the wisdom that it he or she will need to deal with those issues.

As children and teens, we struggle to deal with these things. We blame ourselves, we lash out, and we hurt.

1. We become frigid or nymphomaniacs.
2. We become extremely extroverted or we withdraw.
3. We become slackers or workaholics.
4. We become obese or bulimic.

As youths, we find ourselves dealing with the issues in the best way we can with
what little wisdom we have. Once we are adults, however, we must convert what we know into what we feel.

While youth do not have the wisdom of application, adults must use their wisdom and knowledge to, gently, silence the echoes of childhood; at least the negative ones.

I’ll take this closer to home to prove my point. I know in my head that the family member who touched me when I was younger cannot hurt me anymore. I know in my head that my parents will not beat me anymore. I know in my head that I have made it through the darkest periods of my life and survived to tell the tale.

You too have the head knowledge of the same sort of things that pertain to your life yet, your heads have not communicated that fact to your hearts.

We need to apply our heart knowledge. We have to allow our head to tell our heart that it is o.k. to love, it’s o.k. to be loved, and it’s o.k. to be open to new things and new experiences.

And guess what? That also means that it’s o.k. to get hurt. Much of what we do when we get older stems from a fear of pain! We would often rather live boring and painless lives than exciting lives that may hurt us. We allow the echoes of childhood to ring in our ears to the point of apathy.

For example:

• We saw bad marriages between our parents, and we determine that we’re not getting married.
• We had a bad “romantic” relationship or experience in middle school or in high school, so we don’t love or have sex.
• We had to help out around the house with younger brothers or sisters, so we don’t want to have kids.

Dearest friends, with all the kindness and compassion I SCREAM OUT TO YOU - these attitudes are wrong! Compare love, religion, and friends—things that people often refrain from having because of the poor actions of others—with seeing a millionaire who wastes his money. Does that mean that you should not be a millionaire? Should you avoid having money because of the abuses of others? Absolutely not! You should take the money given to you and do what is right, right?

In that same manner, we must take the things done to us when we were younger and apply them to doing the right things. The answer to bad actions is not to refrain from taking any actions at all, but to put forth good actions! The answer to poor marriages, poor sexual upbringings, poor religious experiences, poor parents, and poor relationships are good marriages, good sexual actions, good religion, being good parents, and developing good relationships.

You may get hurt in the process. You’re not a kid anymore!

Be an adult, and take that chance. Adults take chances, ignoring the echo of their childhood and instead decide to make a new noise. Bet on yourself. If you don’t bet, you can’t lose. That is true. But you can’t win, either, and that leads to empty, gray lives.

We must also take those things that we learned, and we must keep ourselves from becoming that which we feared and hated. In other words, we must do our diligence to keep from becoming abusers if we were abused. Do not let the alcoholism of your parents make you an alcoholic. If you were molested, then do not allow the molestation to affect someone else by you doing the same. Find outlets to deal with the pain that are different from the ones that your parents obviously had. Take up a journal and write the experiences. Share with a spouse, pastor, or friend. And always understand that the things that happened to you affected you, but you have a conscious choice over whether or not they will make you or break you. We are not what happened to us. Did it shape us? Of course it did. But it did not make us what we are. We are what we are. Now, let those things that you went through make you better, not worse. Hear the echoes of the past, and do not let them become a cacophony. Hear them for the melody of personality that they are to you, and use them to sing your heart out.

Therefore, let go of the molestation, and help the molested. Let go of the abuse, and help the abusers. Let go of the bad parents, and become the best parent ever. Let go of the rape, and enjoy sex with your partner. Let go of the greedy and evil clergy, and worship God anew. Let the echoes of your childhood become the song of your adult life, and then share that song with everyone else around you until they cannot stop singing.

Happiness in contagious and it spreads faster when everyone practices it. Take some time out to really think about that. What would happen if you spent just one week NOT ALLOWING yourself to get angry at work. 1 week. Could you do it? I bet you could. I bet you could get used to being happy. I have, and I love it!

© 2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Sometimes, God Says No.

Sometimes, God Says No.
By Dawn R. Johnson, "The Self-Esteem Queen"™



I knew he was the one the moment I met him.
I had begun telling my whole family that he was my "future husband". I prayed for our relationship on a constant basis. I treated him like he was the sun, the stars, and the moon. Certainly there were things that should have let me know there were some problems, but I concealed my fears and instead focused on how I was going to make this relationship work by "any means necessary". I spent my time nurturing a relationship that I should have known was doomed from the start.



Then one day, he just never called me again.
I found out that he had been dating someone else before we had gotten together, and they were now engaged. I angrily lashed out at the person who caused all this to happen to me. Hadn’t I prayed for God to send me a man, and didn’t God answer my prayer by sending me this man? Why now was my World in shambles? I just kept asking myself, “God, how could you let this happen to me?”



Understanding that God says “no” is a difficult concept to hold on to.
We have often been taught that God is our giant ATM in the sky! We go to God for the things that we want, take them, and leave. We often expect our requests to be granted just because we asked for them. We want the answer to every prayer that we give to be in the affirmative, and anything less is seen as God blocking our happiness. We act as if God doesn’t speak to us and give us warnings of things to come, and then we go against what we know is right, we can't understand how we had the wind knocked out of us when we fall hard.



Question: What kind of parent gives his or her children every single thing that they ask for?

• All parents have to tell their children no even when they know their child will be hurt as a result of this action.


• Parents allow their children the pain of immunizations knowing that “a little sting” will protect them a long time.


• Parents pull their children out of school and put them into better ones with the realization that their children will have to make new friends and learn a new environment, but understanding that the move is better in the long run.


• Some parents allow their children to attend wakes and funerals in order for their children to experience the natural pain of death and loss. From those experiences, parents hope their children grow to become better adjusted and well-rounded individuals.


• Sometimes, children ask for things that we know they either should not have or do not deserve, and we tell them “no, you cannot have that.” From this experience, parents hope to teach children the difference between a “need” and a “want”.


• Finally, sometimes we tell our children, “no, not right now—but maybe later” when they ask for something that we may not want to give them at this time for whatever reason.

Good parents do not make their choices based solely upon the will of their children. God, being the Father of all humanity who created us in His image, is no different. Sometimes, in our prayers, God tells us no. God may allow us to go through painful times, and He will not take the pain away from us because He knows that we will need the wisdom gained from it later. At other times, God takes us out of comfortable situations and places us in those that we benefit from later—even if we ask to be removed from the situation. God may allow us to go through death and loss in order to be able to help others through their own pain.

There are times when we ask for things that we either do not deserve or do not need, but we want them anyway.

God, rightfully, tells us no to these requests and does not give in to our tantrums. God may also tell us “not right now.” We do not always like waiting for God’s timing instead of our own, but God’s choice ultimately works in our favor. However, that requires our faith in Him—especially when we do not understand the reasons He tells us no.

Our desire for a thing — no matter what that thing is — can never supersede our desire to do His will.

That is the essence of faith. Faith is more than just belief in God; it is an absolute trust in Him that He will act on your behalf—even when the outcome is not necessarily the one that you desire.

The most difficult thing for believers to do is to have faith in God when all is not going well. It is easy to believe God when you are healthy, wealthy, and happy. The true test for our love and trust in God comes when our health is challenged, our wealth is depleted, and our sadness causes us to cry out, “Why have you forsaken me?” It is here where we must trust that He is good, He is just, and He loves us; even when He tells us no.

© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

A Full Life, Even without Television.

A Full Life, even without Television.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

I must be honest: I didn’t know who in the World Dave Chappelle was.
I sat in a living room with a group of colleagues watching (I learned shortly after) the best selling DVD of all time. I watched his comedy skits, famous to the world, as he spoofed the Internet, Rick James, and Samuel L. Jackson. I laughed along with my colleagues, but they were laughing with the familiar pleasure that people get when watching something that they have seen several times before.

Ironically, the fact that I had not seen the show was almost as funny to my colleagues as the show itself.
I laughed with the open hilarity of one watching something funny for the very first time which caused one of my colleagues to ask me, “What, don’t you own a television?” "No, I don’t,” I responded as courteous as I could.

My not owning a television became the topic of discussion for the rest of the evening sending Dave Chappelle’s comedic skit of a Black President Bush to the backburner. Since I now courted all attention, I explained my take on television.

As a child growing up, my parents did not put a huge emphasis on television watching.
My mother and father, both entrepreneurs, encouraged me to participate in events that had more to do with my education and less to do with television. I did not grow up watching MTV, BET, or ABC. I was not educated on life by “The Cosby Show”, “The Wonder Years”, or “A Different World” because my parents felt that my education was their responsibility. Instead of television, my parents took my siblings and I on college campus tours, to the San Francisco Symphony, the San Francisco Mint, and to historical California Spanish Missions.

I did not have a desire to watch actors on television act out fictitious renditions of life when I had a life of my own to live.
In high school, I spent my time doing extracurricular activities in church, school, and volunteer work. I equated television watching with time wasting, and spent my high school years playing basketball, wrestling, and participating in debates. When my day ended, I slept in silence. This did not seem like something strange to me; however my colleagues started to laugh and were very entranced with what they now considered to be my “very strange life”.

In college, I was accepted to a 4 year university, and I had the assistance of private scholarships.
As a student on academic scholarships, I had to work harder to ensure that I kept those scholarships. That meant more studying, which meant less television. I did not have time to party and hang out. I did not have time to sit with my roommates to watch the latest “Jerry Springer” episode. I was taught to believe that I am responsible for my future. If an area of my life experienced any sort of lack, my parents told me the first place to look would have to be myself. I spent my college years studying, working hard to achieve my goals, and setting myself up for my future.

After college I went into the corporate office, which meant late hours, which in turn meant less television.
As I listened to the conversations at my first corporate experience, I noticed that all my co-workers spent their “down time” talking about the latest “drama” on their favorite television show. I felt like an outsider each time this happened because I did not watch television and could not participate in their conversation. Was it me, or was I the only person that felt there were more important things to do than assist the rich in staying rich while I remained in a lower tax bracket?

I grew tired of the corporate world in less than a year, and I moved on to entrepreneurship.
As a child, I watched my entrepreneur parents manage two separate companies, so I knew starting my own business equaled putting extensive man hours in marketing, planning, and brand building, which again left no time for television. My disciplined schedule of working at a corporation by day while pursuing my dreams at night did not allow me time to watch television.

By this point I had a small 13 inch television that someone gave to me out of pity.
After a while, it became apparent that my TV, slowly but surely being buried beneath an ever-increasing layer of clothes or paperwork at any given time, was quite unnecessary to my life, and I finally gave the thing away to a neighbor who did not have one. My neighbor was actually very appreciative of that television and watched it more than I ever did. She even commented that the picture was “just like new”.

Aware of the plight of the homeless and outcast in Los Angeles, I began working with Skid Row drug addicts and teen prostitutes, taking some of them into my own home, while feeding and clothing others.
Each of these events took up time which meant that television was out of the picture. At this point in my life, television was a mute subject to me. I was not surrounded by people who questioned my hobbies, so no one knew that I did not own a television. I also began participating in sports that I would have shunned before, such as mountain climbing, sky-diving, and bungee jumping. I had so much fun doing these activities that by the time I was done there was only time to sleep.

“What about the news?”, one of my colleagues asked me.
“Talk radio has the latest news”, I answered, “Which I listen to in the
car.”

Radio seemed to appeal more to my brain than my heart, tended to be more honest about the facts and at least gave the appearance of being more balanced regarding opinions.

“What about your spare time”, I was then asked.

Again, between activism, building a business, traveling, studying to obtain another degree, politics, building websites, sky diving, working out, re-learning to play the clarinet and then finally getting some sleep, there was just no time left to watch twenty beautiful models compete for the attentions of that matinee idol Flavor Flav (that’s called sarcasm—extreme sarcasm).

What started off as a necessity to graduate in high school became my lifelong practice for success.

I do not begrudge those who watch television; however I know that I personally am more productive, more well-rounded, and - dare I say, happier because I have a life full of excitement and pleasure. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything important in life because I do not own a television.

I believe there is a direct link between television addiction and mediocrity.

I am not saying that every single person that watches television is addicted, but I have found that those who watch endless amounts of television don’t have the same drive as me, and they therefore don’t understand my need to stay productive. To be fair, I believe that there are a number of quality shows on television that continue to educate and enhance the lives of others. I take no issue with these shows. The fact remains that my upbringing as a child molded me to the person I am today. Not owning a television may seem like a sad thing to the average American, but if you ask anyone around me they will tell you I am very happy without one.

Having to explain to others why I don’t watch television has become a pastime I would rather pass up.

Rest assured however - once I return from Canada, complete my pilot lessons, finish writing this grant for assistance for teen mothers, start on the script for my autobiography, and complete my lecture on racism to the students at Loyola Marymount University, maybe I’ll take a couple hours, go to a neighbors house, and watch Dave Chappelle on DVD.

That Rick James bit just cracks me up.

© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

Dying, but not dead: Racism in Los Angeles.

Dying, but not dead: Racism in Los Angeles.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

I recently visited the Mont Blanc boutique in the Beverly Center Mall in order to buy a gift for my accountant. Older men are notoriously difficult to shop for, so I thought a nice pen would be a gesture of my consideration and thoughtfulness. However, consideration and thoughtfulness were nowhere on display in this particular Mont Blanc boutique.

I was ignored for several minutes before being approached by a salesperson. I would like to say it's because they were busy, but other (and “less melanin challenged”) customers came into the store after me and were greeted and waited upon with exuberance. When I was finally assisted, I was patronized and ridiculed with such questions as, "You do know how much these items costs?" as if I were unaware of the store that I was in.

I continued to allow my patience to be tested as the salesperson showed me the cheapest pens in the store. He then asked me a series of questions (“What kind of watch does your accountant wear”, “What color is his watch; silver?”) without giving me an explanation to how these questions were going to get me closer to that pen for my accountant.

After I had reached my point of irritation, I quietly told the salesperson “I am here to purchase a pen for my accountant. I am aware of the pricing in this store, and it doesn’t bother me. I would like to purchase a pen that is in the medium price range. That would be anywhere from $400.00 - $600.00. I want to be shown all the pens in this price range so I can make a decision based on my preference, not on pricing. By the way, I don't like the way in which you're treating me, and I really feel like you are not giving me the customer service I deserve.”

The salesperson then abruptly stopped midway through my transaction and asked someone else to help me; no explanation, no apology, no nothing. I then asked to speak to the manager, who then came out and attempted to buy off my complaint by “giving” me a perfume bottle clearly marked “demonstration tester” and a gift card to a coffee shop. I was beyond offended. I did not come into this store to get a “free gift with purchase” nor did I come to make a bargain yet, I was treated as if I were in the middle of the garment district playing “Let’s make a deal.”

Now then, for the record, I am not some Jesse Jackson acolyte who sees racism lurking behind every corner. I am not some person out of work complaining about how "the white man keeps the black man down." I recognize that there is a world of difference between a lynch mob hanging me from a tree and some jerk of a clerk looking down his nose at me because I'm young, pretty, and Black.

I am not saying that racism isn't dying, because it is--finally being smothered to death by character, higher standards, diversity and reason. To be sure, we live in a climate that now allows the consideration of a Hilary Clinton / Barack Obama administration versus a possible Rudy Giuliani / Condoleezza Rice ticket across the aisle. If that isn't progress, then I don't know what is.

What I am saying is that the attitude of this Mont Blanc salesperson and the recent tirades (and subsequent flimsy apologies) by Michael Richards, Don Imus, Vivica A. Fox, Andy Dick, and Mel Gibson reveal that the anachronism of racism is still prevalent. There are those out there who continue to hold to the ancient notions that the amount of melanin in one's skin is somehow relevant to one's wealth or character. Sadly, there are a few more persons still fighting that old, dying, race-based fight; every bit as defeated and futile as the old Japanese soldiers hiding out on islands, still fighting World War II in the '50's.

As an educated Black woman, my initial reaction to this blatant lack of regard by “Mr. Mont Blanc” was sadness, pity, and indignation. Upon reflection, my reaction as a person (regardless of my color or gender) is contempt, with a nice healthy dose of pity thrown in for good measure. I was tempted to dismiss “Mr. Mont Blanc” because of ignorance, but because ignorance is a lack of knowledge, “Mr. Mont Blanc” does not receive the luxury of that excuse.

Since I believe that he had full knowledge of his snobbery and racism, I find that this wasn't ignorance--it was a lack of wisdom. It was unwise because I surely will not be the last to expose this Neanderthal for the troglodyte he is, as well as Mont Blanc for being the paternalistic endorsers of these ideals. There is no more room in America, California, or Los Angeles for this ridiculous and shameful behavior because this very behavior keeps the dying corpse of racism on life support.

I decided to give my accountant the pen along with a copy of this letter. I do not plan to boycott Mont Blanc; I just do not plan to give my money to the boutique in the Beverly Center Mall. Perhaps what they could use now is some diversity training. If not, they stand to lose a lot more business from my fellow college educated “melanin challenged” colleagues.

© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.

“Tough Cookies!” 7 secrets to know about the learning process that will immediately lead to your personal success.

“Tough Cookies!” 7 secrets to know about the learning process that will immediately lead to your personal success.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

I’ll always remember the day my mother finally allowed me into the kitchen for my first cooking lesson – chocolate chip cookies! My eyes were wide with anticipation and I could barely sit still. I happily and quickly gathered all the ingredients I felt I needed and proceeded to make my first batch of cookies.

My mother, ever patient, attempted to tell me that I was forgetting a key ingredient, but I ignored her instructions and continued with my great batch of cookies. I figured I had watched her dozens of times and I knew what I was doing. After putting the cookies into the oven, I sat and waited with a smug smile on my face; I thought I knew everything. But alas, when I took my first bite, my face scrunched up in discomfort. The cookie was absolutely horrible! I then realized I should have stopped and listened to my mother, because had I done so, I would have understood that my cookies tasted so bad because I had left out the sugar!

I begged my mother to allow me to try again after promising that I had learned from my mistake, and my next batch turned out a success. As my siblings happily ate the cookies, I helped my mother clean the kitchen. As I dried the last dish, my mother turned to me and with a smile on her face she said,

“You know, Angels come to Earth disguised as mistakes so you will always have a
chance to learn. In order to be successful, you must learn from every single
mistake you make and not let the thought of failure get you down.”

That statement rings like a bell in my head each time I make a mistake, and I can tell you that I have made many. (I am starting to believe that I must be a favorite of the Universe because I constantly am in the “learning phase” of life.)

Here are 7 secrets I learned to assist you in the learning process that will ultimately lead to your personal success:

You Will Learn Lessons.
You are enrolled in a full time informal school called “Life”. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. One thing you must know is that the lessons you learn will continue; it’s how you deal with the them that produces the outcome you desire. When you realize that you are in control of your future, the “golden nuggets” you get from life’s lessons will be tools for you to use in the future.

There Are No Mistakes, Only Lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. I cannot recall reading about anyone successful who did not experience a period where they had to learn lessons in order to progress. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately works. Remember the Cookies.

A Lesson Is Repeated Until It Is Learned.
A lesson will be repeated to you in various forms until you learn it. All you really have to do is think back to when you were in a workplace and you didn’t like the position.

EXAMPLE: When the Universe provided you with a new work position, you went with the expectation of the people being different from where you just came from but, after two weeks, you see that only the company name and not the structure of the company changes. What you must know is that you are the source of the change and not the company or those who encompass your work environment. When you have mastered this concept, you can go on to the next lesson.

Life Is All About Learning, So Don’t Expect The Lessons To End.
As long as you are able to wake up each day, know that there is always room to be educated. Whether you learn patience from the elderly driver in front of you clearly going below the speed limit, or you learn humbleness by taking ownership for a mishap at your place of employment, each new day brings you a new opportunity to learn. I welcome lessons as part of my everyday life and I go out of my way to be cognizant of each lesson I am to learn for that day.

I spent many years repeating the same lessons in different circumstances because I kept attracting the same situations in my life. When I recognized this, I changed the way I dealt with people and situations so as to not repeat the same situation twice.

“Here” Versus “There”.
Let’s call the place you’re at currently in your life “here”, and let’s call the place you are attempting to go in life “there”. Standing “here” looking at your situation makes it sometimes difficult to determine how you will get “there”. I have learned that if I focus on “here” right now, I will get “there” without much effort. In order to get anywhere, you must have a plan. Most people plan their action steps based on the lessons that were learned from previous action steps. When your current “here” takes you “there”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.

Others Are Merely Mirrors Of You.
I have learned this in my life; you cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something that you love or hate about yourself. If you’re honest with yourself, you will notice that this statement is true. I used to always see the bad in others and pretend that this was something that I couldn’t help but do. I was wrong.

Conditioning your mind to think about the good in people versus the bad will seem like a chore, but once you get used to it you will find that your improvement as a person actually assists you in your journey to true happiness. What You Make Of Your Life Is Up To You. You have all the tools and resources you need.

What you do with your tools and resources is up to you.
There will be times when you feel the need to take an account of the lack in your life, and there will be times when you feel the need to take the steps necessary to living the life you have always wanted; the life you deserve to live. The choice is yours.

© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.