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Ask The SEQ: Happiness
13 years ago
Monday, July 1, 2013
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Don’t Make Excuses, Make Adjustments.
Don’t Make Excuses, Make Adjustments
From my book: Unleash Your Greatness: Hot to Outperform Yourself
© 2005 Dawn Johnson
Close your eyes and seek what you believe. ~Goapele
Picture yourself in a field. There is a wide open target with a bull’s-eye in the middle of the target. Your goal is to hit the bull’s-eye. You pick up a bow and arrow and take aim and stop. You hear this small voice say "What if you miss?" You tell yourself to focus but now the focus of succeeding is replaced with not failing. If you continue to doubt yourself, you will never hit the bull’s-eye. Your aim will continue to be on what might go wrong and your sense of failure.
I spent many years underestimating myself because my focus stayed on what was wrong with me instead of what was right with me. I pictured the girl who as a teenager made more money than most women will make in their lifetime. I pictured a young girl who grew into a mature woman and became insecure and believed that if people knew of her past, they would shun her. The reality is I was way off target. I knew I had the potential to be great, but I continued to let people around me tell me how much of a failure I was in comparison to everyone else.
I remember working in a sales position for a company that made you write yourself up every week when you didn’t hit your numbers. You were made to sit in a room with your peers and humiliate yourself by saying you failed. I remember thinking every week when I knew I wasn’t going to hit my numbers how much of a failure I must be. I saw everyone else hitting their weekly numbers, and it made me wonder how come I was so horrible. Then it came to me a few days later. This job and these people could never define my success. My focus was on everyone else’s opinion of me instead of me focusing on myself. I wondered was I doing the best according to my potential. Was I taking ownership over my mistakes and improving from them? Based on my answers, the fact was no one was in control of my desire for greatness. From that point on, I always strived to break down the barriers that people put around my dreams.
Here are some tricks I have done and continue to do to make sure that I am always aiming for and reaching for peak performance as I unleash my greatness:
1. Transfer your goals into affirmations
Your goal is a mental picture of what you want. Take the mental picture and turn it into reality by writing it down in the present tense as if it were already accomplished. People used to (and still) laugh at me because I carry around a dream book. My dream book has my debt reduction plan, my dream cars and homes, my favorite quotes, and my yearly goals. I pull this book out at least 7 times a day and flip through it. It serves as a constant reminder to press on when I feel the need to give up or complain about where I am now in my career or personal life.
2. Read your affirmation aloud.
I constantly tell myself positive things to make my dreams a reality. This works in my personal and professional life. I tell myself, “I can be in healthy relationships” or “I can change the world one person at a time”. These are my own personal mantras.
Let’s face it – we live in a jaded society. We cannot always count on someone else to motivate us. Sometimes, you have to be the best motivator you know. I still wash my car instead of taking it to a car wash because I know that I can take my time and make sure that every part is washed. In my mind, I know that I can wash my car better than anyone else can because I know where it needs special attention.
Surround yourself with people who will support your goals and aspirations. More important, surround yourself with people who will support you, hold you accountable, and give you healthy constructive criticism when it’s needed.
3. Picture the results you want.
I mean this verbatim. Get physical pictures of cars you want. Go to open houses in your dream community. Take pictures. Go test drive your dream car. Have someone take your picture behind the wheel. Then, take these pictures and put them on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your bathroom door, and your front door. Seeing these on a constant basis will remind you of your goals. I have never been much of a television watcher. I’ve never had cable, and I have a sign on my TV that says, “Do not feed the idiot box”. I have small pictures of my “dream things” all around the TV, so when I sit down to watch a show I can remind myself that I can’t accomplish my goals if I don’t work hard. This may be a bit much for some, but it can be done at a different extreme to suit each person.
4. Track and measure your progress.
Someone once told me, “Do not make excuses, make adjustments”. When you find a flaw in your current plan, you must be able to adapt to a new strategy. We often get so caught up in rebelling against change in our lives. When we put our energy into adapting and not into rebelling, change will come with ease. It’s still a struggle that I work through one day at a time. There are some days when I want to stay in my comfort zone and I fear being any bigger than I am now. Write down your goals and the solutions you know will help you accomplish each goal. I started with 1 week goals. Then, as I began to accomplish these small goals I moved up to 3 week and then 3 year goals. Once you see you can accomplish small goals, you can parlay them into long term goals. Always remember: you are being counterproductive when you say that you are busy but nothing is getting done. Having a goal system will help you to be more observant of your actions while helping you to physically see what needs to be done to accomplish your goals.
5. Visualize your success
I must admit something to you all – I used to be my own worst critic. I would be too hard on myself because I expected so much out of myself and when I don’t accomplish things in my projected time frame, I would feel frustrated. I have to remind myself that I am a work in progress, and I am growing day by day. I don’t let other’s rate my greatness, but I also do not allow myself to be my worst critic. If you let someone else rate your greatness, you will not ever know how great you are. Be hard on yourself and demand nothing but the best because that’s what you know you are worthy of. You must be able to define what happiness means to you. For some, happiness is having a nice car or a nice house. For others it’s not having debt or having a nice family. Perhaps happiness is having a good spiritual foundation. Create your own definition of happiness instead of buying into what society says happiness is.
Final Thought
In life, you are either an owner or a victim. You can live your life making excuses for why you aren’t where you need to be, or you can be accountable for your actions and make a conscience decision to create each day. To successfully unleash your greatness you must hold yourself accountable for your actions. Focus on what you want to do, not on what you don't want to do. Only one target remains until you reach your goal. Pull the arrow back and let it go!
Act as if it were impossible to fail. ~Dorothea Brande
© 2005-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
From my book: Unleash Your Greatness: Hot to Outperform Yourself
© 2005 Dawn Johnson
Close your eyes and seek what you believe. ~Goapele
Picture yourself in a field. There is a wide open target with a bull’s-eye in the middle of the target. Your goal is to hit the bull’s-eye. You pick up a bow and arrow and take aim and stop. You hear this small voice say "What if you miss?" You tell yourself to focus but now the focus of succeeding is replaced with not failing. If you continue to doubt yourself, you will never hit the bull’s-eye. Your aim will continue to be on what might go wrong and your sense of failure.
I spent many years underestimating myself because my focus stayed on what was wrong with me instead of what was right with me. I pictured the girl who as a teenager made more money than most women will make in their lifetime. I pictured a young girl who grew into a mature woman and became insecure and believed that if people knew of her past, they would shun her. The reality is I was way off target. I knew I had the potential to be great, but I continued to let people around me tell me how much of a failure I was in comparison to everyone else.
I remember working in a sales position for a company that made you write yourself up every week when you didn’t hit your numbers. You were made to sit in a room with your peers and humiliate yourself by saying you failed. I remember thinking every week when I knew I wasn’t going to hit my numbers how much of a failure I must be. I saw everyone else hitting their weekly numbers, and it made me wonder how come I was so horrible. Then it came to me a few days later. This job and these people could never define my success. My focus was on everyone else’s opinion of me instead of me focusing on myself. I wondered was I doing the best according to my potential. Was I taking ownership over my mistakes and improving from them? Based on my answers, the fact was no one was in control of my desire for greatness. From that point on, I always strived to break down the barriers that people put around my dreams.
Here are some tricks I have done and continue to do to make sure that I am always aiming for and reaching for peak performance as I unleash my greatness:
1. Transfer your goals into affirmations
Your goal is a mental picture of what you want. Take the mental picture and turn it into reality by writing it down in the present tense as if it were already accomplished. People used to (and still) laugh at me because I carry around a dream book. My dream book has my debt reduction plan, my dream cars and homes, my favorite quotes, and my yearly goals. I pull this book out at least 7 times a day and flip through it. It serves as a constant reminder to press on when I feel the need to give up or complain about where I am now in my career or personal life.
2. Read your affirmation aloud.
I constantly tell myself positive things to make my dreams a reality. This works in my personal and professional life. I tell myself, “I can be in healthy relationships” or “I can change the world one person at a time”. These are my own personal mantras.
Let’s face it – we live in a jaded society. We cannot always count on someone else to motivate us. Sometimes, you have to be the best motivator you know. I still wash my car instead of taking it to a car wash because I know that I can take my time and make sure that every part is washed. In my mind, I know that I can wash my car better than anyone else can because I know where it needs special attention.
Surround yourself with people who will support your goals and aspirations. More important, surround yourself with people who will support you, hold you accountable, and give you healthy constructive criticism when it’s needed.
3. Picture the results you want.
I mean this verbatim. Get physical pictures of cars you want. Go to open houses in your dream community. Take pictures. Go test drive your dream car. Have someone take your picture behind the wheel. Then, take these pictures and put them on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your bathroom door, and your front door. Seeing these on a constant basis will remind you of your goals. I have never been much of a television watcher. I’ve never had cable, and I have a sign on my TV that says, “Do not feed the idiot box”. I have small pictures of my “dream things” all around the TV, so when I sit down to watch a show I can remind myself that I can’t accomplish my goals if I don’t work hard. This may be a bit much for some, but it can be done at a different extreme to suit each person.
4. Track and measure your progress.
Someone once told me, “Do not make excuses, make adjustments”. When you find a flaw in your current plan, you must be able to adapt to a new strategy. We often get so caught up in rebelling against change in our lives. When we put our energy into adapting and not into rebelling, change will come with ease. It’s still a struggle that I work through one day at a time. There are some days when I want to stay in my comfort zone and I fear being any bigger than I am now. Write down your goals and the solutions you know will help you accomplish each goal. I started with 1 week goals. Then, as I began to accomplish these small goals I moved up to 3 week and then 3 year goals. Once you see you can accomplish small goals, you can parlay them into long term goals. Always remember: you are being counterproductive when you say that you are busy but nothing is getting done. Having a goal system will help you to be more observant of your actions while helping you to physically see what needs to be done to accomplish your goals.
5. Visualize your success
I must admit something to you all – I used to be my own worst critic. I would be too hard on myself because I expected so much out of myself and when I don’t accomplish things in my projected time frame, I would feel frustrated. I have to remind myself that I am a work in progress, and I am growing day by day. I don’t let other’s rate my greatness, but I also do not allow myself to be my worst critic. If you let someone else rate your greatness, you will not ever know how great you are. Be hard on yourself and demand nothing but the best because that’s what you know you are worthy of. You must be able to define what happiness means to you. For some, happiness is having a nice car or a nice house. For others it’s not having debt or having a nice family. Perhaps happiness is having a good spiritual foundation. Create your own definition of happiness instead of buying into what society says happiness is.
Final Thought
In life, you are either an owner or a victim. You can live your life making excuses for why you aren’t where you need to be, or you can be accountable for your actions and make a conscience decision to create each day. To successfully unleash your greatness you must hold yourself accountable for your actions. Focus on what you want to do, not on what you don't want to do. Only one target remains until you reach your goal. Pull the arrow back and let it go!
Act as if it were impossible to fail. ~Dorothea Brande
© 2005-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Childhood: The Echoes that Ring Forever
Childhood: The Echoes that Ring Forever
By: Dawn Johnson, "The Self-Esteem Queen"™
Have you ever stopped to consider the affects of childhood?
How many things did you experience as children that have stayed with you throughout your lifetime?
How many sounds—loud sounds, for better or for worse—rang out when you were a child that continue to ring even to this day?
Oftentimes, the things that we experience as children stay with us when we become adults. I am willing to bet that the first sixteen years of one’s life easily define and shape the next sixty. It has been said that we determine the type of people we will be with based upon our observations of our parents, and if we had no parents, we are forced to formulate our own composite sketches.
We take our childhood memories with us far beyond our twenties. I have witnessed septuagenarians weeping at the memory of a father who died when they were ten years old. Whether it was child molestation, physical or mental abuse, abandonment, failure, receiving too little (or even too much) attention, or family scandals—all of these things can be devastating to a person who has yet to learn the wisdom that it he or she will need to deal with those issues.
By: Dawn Johnson, "The Self-Esteem Queen"™
Have you ever stopped to consider the affects of childhood?
How many things did you experience as children that have stayed with you throughout your lifetime?
How many sounds—loud sounds, for better or for worse—rang out when you were a child that continue to ring even to this day?
Oftentimes, the things that we experience as children stay with us when we become adults. I am willing to bet that the first sixteen years of one’s life easily define and shape the next sixty. It has been said that we determine the type of people we will be with based upon our observations of our parents, and if we had no parents, we are forced to formulate our own composite sketches.
We take our childhood memories with us far beyond our twenties. I have witnessed septuagenarians weeping at the memory of a father who died when they were ten years old. Whether it was child molestation, physical or mental abuse, abandonment, failure, receiving too little (or even too much) attention, or family scandals—all of these things can be devastating to a person who has yet to learn the wisdom that it he or she will need to deal with those issues.
As children and teens, we struggle to deal with these things. We blame ourselves, we lash out, and we hurt.
- We become frigid or nymphomaniacs.
- We become extremely extroverted or we withdraw.
- We become slackers or workaholics.
- We become obese or bulimic.
As youths, we find ourselves dealing with the issues in the best way we can with
what little wisdom we have. Once we are adults, however, we must convert what we know into what we feel.
While youth do not have the wisdom of application, adults must use their wisdom and knowledge to, gently, silence the echoes of childhood; at least the negative ones.
I’ll take this closer to home to prove my point. I know in my head that the family member who touched me when I was younger cannot hurt me anymore. I know in my head that my parents will not beat me anymore. I know in my head that I have made it through the darkest periods of my life and survived to tell the tale.
You too have the head knowledge of the same sort of things that pertain to your life yet, your heads have not communicated that fact to your hearts.
We need to apply our heart knowledge. We have to allow our head to tell our heart that it is o.k. to love, it’s o.k. to be loved, and it’s o.k. to be open to new things and new experiences.
And guess what? That also means that it’s o.k. to get hurt. Much of what we do when we get older stems from a fear of pain! We would often rather live boring and painless lives than exciting lives that may hurt us. We allow the echoes of childhood to ring in our ears to the point of apathy.
For example:
- We saw bad marriages between our parents, and we determine that we’re not getting married.
- We had a bad “romantic” relationship or experience in middle school or in high school, so we don’t love or have sex.
- We had to help out around the house with younger brothers or sisters, so we don’t want to have kids.
Dearest friends, with all the kindness and compassion I SCREAM OUT TO YOU - these attitudes are wrong! Compare love, religion, and friends—things that people often refrain from having because of the poor actions of others—with seeing a millionaire who wastes his money. Does that mean that you should not be a millionaire? Should you avoid having money because of the abuses of others? Absolutely not! You should take the money given to you and do what is right, right?
In that same manner, we must take the things done to us when we were younger and apply them to doing the right things. The answer to bad actions is not to refrain from taking any actions at all, but to put forth good actions! The answer to poor marriages, poor sexual upbringings, poor religious experiences, poor parents, and poor relationships are good marriages, good sexual actions, good religion, being good parents, and developing good relationships.
You may get hurt in the process. You’re not a kid anymore!
Be an adult, and take that chance. Adults take chances, ignoring the echo of their childhood and instead decide to make a new noise. Bet on yourself. If you don’t bet, you can’t lose. That is true. But you can’t win, either, and that leads to empty, gray lives.
We must also take those things that we learned, and we must keep ourselves from becoming that which we feared and hated. In other words, we must do our diligence to keep from becoming abusers if we were abused. Do not let the alcoholism of your parents make you an alcoholic. If you were molested, then do not allow the molestation to affect someone else by you doing the same. Find outlets to deal with the pain that are different from the ones that your parents obviously had. Take up a journal and write the experiences. Share with a spouse, pastor, or friend. And always understand that the things that happened to you affected you, but you have a conscious choice over whether or not they will make you or break you. We are not what happened to us. Did it shape us? Of course it did. But it did not make us what we are. We are what we are. Now, let those things that you went through make you better, not worse. Hear the echoes of the past, and do not let them become a cacophony. Hear them for the melody of personality that they are to you, and use them to sing your heart out.
Therefore, let go of the molestation, and help the molested. Let go of the abuse, and help the abusers. Let go of the bad parents, and become the best parent ever. Let go of the rape, and enjoy sex with your partner. Let go of the greedy and evil clergy, and worship God anew. Let the echoes of your childhood become the song of your adult life, and then share that song with everyone else around you until they cannot stop singing.
Happiness in contagious and it spreads faster when everyone practices it. Take some time out to really think about that. What would happen if you spent just one week NOT ALLOWING yourself to get angry at work. 1 week. Could you do it? I bet you could. I bet you could get used to being happy. I have, and I love it!
© 2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
A Full Life, Even without Television.
A Full Life, even without Television.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
I must be honest: I didn’t know who in the World Dave Chappelle was.
I sat in a living room with a group of colleagues watching (I learned shortly after) the best selling DVD of all time. I watched his comedy skits, famous to the world, as he spoofed the Internet, Rick James, and Samuel L. Jackson. I laughed along with my colleagues, but they were laughing with the familiar pleasure that people get when watching something that they have seen several times before.
Ironically, the fact that I had not seen the show was almost as funny to my colleagues as the show itself.
I laughed with the open hilarity of one watching something funny for the very first time which caused one of my colleagues to ask me, “What, don’t you own a television?” "No, I don’t,” I responded as courteous as I could.
My not owning a television became the topic of discussion for the rest of the evening sending Dave Chappelle’s comedic skit of a Black President Bush to the backburner. Since I now courted all attention, I explained my take on television.
As a child growing up, my parents did not put a huge emphasis on television watching.
My mother and father, both entrepreneurs, encouraged me to participate in events that had more to do with my education and less to do with television. I did not grow up watching MTV, BET, or ABC. I was not educated on life by “The Cosby Show”, “The Wonder Years”, or “A Different World” because my parents felt that my education was their responsibility. Instead of television, my parents took my siblings and I on college campus tours, to the San Francisco Symphony, the San Francisco Mint, and to historical California Spanish Missions.
I did not have a desire to watch actors on television act out fictitious renditions of life when I had a life of my own to live.
In high school, I spent my time doing extracurricular activities in church, school, and volunteer work. I equated television watching with time wasting, and spent my high school years playing basketball, wrestling, and participating in debates. When my day ended, I slept in silence. This did not seem like something strange to me; however my colleagues started to laugh and were very entranced with what they now considered to be my “very strange life”.
In college, I was accepted to a 4 year university, and I had the assistance of private scholarships.
As a student on academic scholarships, I had to work harder to ensure that I kept those scholarships. That meant more studying, which meant less television. I did not have time to party and hang out. I did not have time to sit with my roommates to watch the latest “Jerry Springer” episode. I was taught to believe that I am responsible for my future. If an area of my life experienced any sort of lack, my parents told me the first place to look would have to be myself. I spent my college years studying, working hard to achieve my goals, and setting myself up for my future.
After college I went into the corporate office, which meant late hours, which in turn meant less television.
As I listened to the conversations at my first corporate experience, I noticed that all my co-workers spent their “down time” talking about the latest “drama” on their favorite television show. I felt like an outsider each time this happened because I did not watch television and could not participate in their conversation. Was it me, or was I the only person that felt there were more important things to do than assist the rich in staying rich while I remained in a lower tax bracket?
I grew tired of the corporate world in less than a year, and I moved on to entrepreneurship.
As a child, I watched my entrepreneur parents manage two separate companies, so I knew starting my own business equaled putting extensive man hours in marketing, planning, and brand building, which again left no time for television. My disciplined schedule of working at a corporation by day while pursuing my dreams at night did not allow me time to watch television.
By this point I had a small 13 inch television that someone gave to me out of pity.
After a while, it became apparent that my TV, slowly but surely being buried beneath an ever-increasing layer of clothes or paperwork at any given time, was quite unnecessary to my life, and I finally gave the thing away to a neighbor who did not have one. My neighbor was actually very appreciative of that television and watched it more than I ever did. She even commented that the picture was “just like new”.
Aware of the plight of the homeless and outcast in Los Angeles, I began working with Skid Row drug addicts and teen prostitutes, taking some of them into my own home, while feeding and clothing others.
Each of these events took up time which meant that television was out of the picture. At this point in my life, television was a mute subject to me. I was not surrounded by people who questioned my hobbies, so no one knew that I did not own a television. I also began participating in sports that I would have shunned before, such as mountain climbing, sky-diving, and bungee jumping. I had so much fun doing these activities that by the time I was done there was only time to sleep.
© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
ABOUT THE AUTHOR A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
I must be honest: I didn’t know who in the World Dave Chappelle was.
I sat in a living room with a group of colleagues watching (I learned shortly after) the best selling DVD of all time. I watched his comedy skits, famous to the world, as he spoofed the Internet, Rick James, and Samuel L. Jackson. I laughed along with my colleagues, but they were laughing with the familiar pleasure that people get when watching something that they have seen several times before.
Ironically, the fact that I had not seen the show was almost as funny to my colleagues as the show itself.
I laughed with the open hilarity of one watching something funny for the very first time which caused one of my colleagues to ask me, “What, don’t you own a television?” "No, I don’t,” I responded as courteous as I could.
My not owning a television became the topic of discussion for the rest of the evening sending Dave Chappelle’s comedic skit of a Black President Bush to the backburner. Since I now courted all attention, I explained my take on television.
As a child growing up, my parents did not put a huge emphasis on television watching.
My mother and father, both entrepreneurs, encouraged me to participate in events that had more to do with my education and less to do with television. I did not grow up watching MTV, BET, or ABC. I was not educated on life by “The Cosby Show”, “The Wonder Years”, or “A Different World” because my parents felt that my education was their responsibility. Instead of television, my parents took my siblings and I on college campus tours, to the San Francisco Symphony, the San Francisco Mint, and to historical California Spanish Missions.
I did not have a desire to watch actors on television act out fictitious renditions of life when I had a life of my own to live.
In high school, I spent my time doing extracurricular activities in church, school, and volunteer work. I equated television watching with time wasting, and spent my high school years playing basketball, wrestling, and participating in debates. When my day ended, I slept in silence. This did not seem like something strange to me; however my colleagues started to laugh and were very entranced with what they now considered to be my “very strange life”.
In college, I was accepted to a 4 year university, and I had the assistance of private scholarships.
As a student on academic scholarships, I had to work harder to ensure that I kept those scholarships. That meant more studying, which meant less television. I did not have time to party and hang out. I did not have time to sit with my roommates to watch the latest “Jerry Springer” episode. I was taught to believe that I am responsible for my future. If an area of my life experienced any sort of lack, my parents told me the first place to look would have to be myself. I spent my college years studying, working hard to achieve my goals, and setting myself up for my future.
After college I went into the corporate office, which meant late hours, which in turn meant less television.
As I listened to the conversations at my first corporate experience, I noticed that all my co-workers spent their “down time” talking about the latest “drama” on their favorite television show. I felt like an outsider each time this happened because I did not watch television and could not participate in their conversation. Was it me, or was I the only person that felt there were more important things to do than assist the rich in staying rich while I remained in a lower tax bracket?
I grew tired of the corporate world in less than a year, and I moved on to entrepreneurship.
As a child, I watched my entrepreneur parents manage two separate companies, so I knew starting my own business equaled putting extensive man hours in marketing, planning, and brand building, which again left no time for television. My disciplined schedule of working at a corporation by day while pursuing my dreams at night did not allow me time to watch television.
By this point I had a small 13 inch television that someone gave to me out of pity.
After a while, it became apparent that my TV, slowly but surely being buried beneath an ever-increasing layer of clothes or paperwork at any given time, was quite unnecessary to my life, and I finally gave the thing away to a neighbor who did not have one. My neighbor was actually very appreciative of that television and watched it more than I ever did. She even commented that the picture was “just like new”.
Aware of the plight of the homeless and outcast in Los Angeles, I began working with Skid Row drug addicts and teen prostitutes, taking some of them into my own home, while feeding and clothing others.
Each of these events took up time which meant that television was out of the picture. At this point in my life, television was a mute subject to me. I was not surrounded by people who questioned my hobbies, so no one knew that I did not own a television. I also began participating in sports that I would have shunned before, such as mountain climbing, sky-diving, and bungee jumping. I had so much fun doing these activities that by the time I was done there was only time to sleep.
“What about the news?”, one of my colleagues asked me.
“Talk radio has the latest news”, I answered, “Which I listen to in the
car.”
“Talk radio has the latest news”, I answered, “Which I listen to in the
car.”
Radio seemed to appeal more to my brain than my heart, tended to be more honest about the facts and at least gave the appearance of being more balanced regarding opinions.
“What about your spare time”, I was then asked.
Again, between activism, building a business, traveling, studying to obtain another degree, politics, building websites, sky diving, working out, re-learning to play the clarinet and then finally getting some sleep, there was just no time left to watch twenty beautiful models compete for the attentions of that matinee idol Flavor Flav (that’s called sarcasm—extreme sarcasm).
What started off as a necessity to graduate in high school became my lifelong practice for success.
I do not begrudge those who watch television; however I know that I personally am more productive, more well-rounded, and - dare I say, happier because I have a life full of excitement and pleasure. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything important in life because I do not own a television.
I believe there is a direct link between television addiction and mediocrity.
I am not saying that every single person that watches television is addicted, but I have found that those who watch endless amounts of television don’t have the same drive as me, and they therefore don’t understand my need to stay productive. To be fair, I believe that there are a number of quality shows on television that continue to educate and enhance the lives of others. I take no issue with these shows. The fact remains that my upbringing as a child molded me to the person I am today. Not owning a television may seem like a sad thing to the average American, but if you ask anyone around me they will tell you I am very happy without one.
Having to explain to others why I don’t watch television has become a pastime I would rather pass up.
Rest assured however - once I return from Canada, complete my pilot lessons, finish writing this grant for assistance for teen mothers, start on the script for my autobiography, and complete my lecture on racism to the students at Loyola Marymount University, maybe I’ll take a couple hours, go to a neighbors house, and watch Dave Chappelle on DVD.
That Rick James bit just cracks me up.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Dying, but not dead: Racism in Los Angeles.
Dying, but not dead: Racism in Los Angeles.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
I recently visited the Mont Blanc boutique in the Beverly Center Mall in order to buy a gift for my accountant. Older men are notoriously difficult to shop for, so I thought a nice pen would be a gesture of my consideration and thoughtfulness. However, consideration and thoughtfulness were nowhere on display in this particular Mont Blanc boutique.
I was ignored for several minutes before being approached by a salesperson. I would like to say it's because they were busy, but other (and “less melanin challenged”) customers came into the store after me and were greeted and waited upon with exuberance. When I was finally assisted, I was patronized and ridiculed with such questions as, "You do know how much these items costs?" as if I were unaware of the store that I was in.
I continued to allow my patience to be tested as the salesperson showed me the cheapest pens in the store. He then asked me a series of questions (“What kind of watch does your accountant wear”, “What color is his watch; silver?”) without giving me an explanation to how these questions were going to get me closer to that pen for my accountant.
After I had reached my point of irritation, I quietly told the salesperson “I am here to purchase a pen for my accountant. I am aware of the pricing in this store, and it doesn’t bother me. I would like to purchase a pen that is in the medium price range. That would be anywhere from $400.00 - $600.00. I want to be shown all the pens in this price range so I can make a decision based on my preference, not on pricing. By the way, I don't like the way in which you're treating me, and I really feel like you are not giving me the customer service I deserve.”
The salesperson then abruptly stopped midway through my transaction and asked someone else to help me; no explanation, no apology, no nothing. I then asked to speak to the manager, who then came out and attempted to buy off my complaint by “giving” me a perfume bottle clearly marked “demonstration tester” and a gift card to a coffee shop. I was beyond offended. I did not come into this store to get a “free gift with purchase” nor did I come to make a bargain yet, I was treated as if I were in the middle of the garment district playing “Let’s make a deal.”
Now then, for the record, I am not some Jesse Jackson acolyte who sees racism lurking behind every corner. I am not some person out of work complaining about how "the white man keeps the black man down." I recognize that there is a world of difference between a lynch mob hanging me from a tree and some jerk of a clerk looking down his nose at me because I'm young, pretty, and Black.
I am not saying that racism isn't dying, because it is--finally being smothered to death by character, higher standards, diversity and reason. To be sure, we live in a climate that now allows the consideration of a Hilary Clinton / Barack Obama administration versus a possible Rudy Giuliani / Condoleezza Rice ticket across the aisle. If that isn't progress, then I don't know what is.
What I am saying is that the attitude of this Mont Blanc salesperson and the recent tirades (and subsequent flimsy apologies) by Michael Richards, Don Imus, Vivica A. Fox, Andy Dick, and Mel Gibson reveal that the anachronism of racism is still prevalent. There are those out there who continue to hold to the ancient notions that the amount of melanin in one's skin is somehow relevant to one's wealth or character. Sadly, there are a few more persons still fighting that old, dying, race-based fight; every bit as defeated and futile as the old Japanese soldiers hiding out on islands, still fighting World War II in the '50's.
As an educated Black woman, my initial reaction to this blatant lack of regard by “Mr. Mont Blanc” was sadness, pity, and indignation. Upon reflection, my reaction as a person (regardless of my color or gender) is contempt, with a nice healthy dose of pity thrown in for good measure. I was tempted to dismiss “Mr. Mont Blanc” because of ignorance, but because ignorance is a lack of knowledge, “Mr. Mont Blanc” does not receive the luxury of that excuse.
Since I believe that he had full knowledge of his snobbery and racism, I find that this wasn't ignorance--it was a lack of wisdom. It was unwise because I surely will not be the last to expose this Neanderthal for the troglodyte he is, as well as Mont Blanc for being the paternalistic endorsers of these ideals. There is no more room in America, California, or Los Angeles for this ridiculous and shameful behavior because this very behavior keeps the dying corpse of racism on life support.
I decided to give my accountant the pen along with a copy of this letter. I do not plan to boycott Mont Blanc; I just do not plan to give my money to the boutique in the Beverly Center Mall. Perhaps what they could use now is some diversity training. If not, they stand to lose a lot more business from my fellow college educated “melanin challenged” colleagues.
© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
By: Dawn R. Johnson, “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
I recently visited the Mont Blanc boutique in the Beverly Center Mall in order to buy a gift for my accountant. Older men are notoriously difficult to shop for, so I thought a nice pen would be a gesture of my consideration and thoughtfulness. However, consideration and thoughtfulness were nowhere on display in this particular Mont Blanc boutique.
I was ignored for several minutes before being approached by a salesperson. I would like to say it's because they were busy, but other (and “less melanin challenged”) customers came into the store after me and were greeted and waited upon with exuberance. When I was finally assisted, I was patronized and ridiculed with such questions as, "You do know how much these items costs?" as if I were unaware of the store that I was in.
I continued to allow my patience to be tested as the salesperson showed me the cheapest pens in the store. He then asked me a series of questions (“What kind of watch does your accountant wear”, “What color is his watch; silver?”) without giving me an explanation to how these questions were going to get me closer to that pen for my accountant.
After I had reached my point of irritation, I quietly told the salesperson “I am here to purchase a pen for my accountant. I am aware of the pricing in this store, and it doesn’t bother me. I would like to purchase a pen that is in the medium price range. That would be anywhere from $400.00 - $600.00. I want to be shown all the pens in this price range so I can make a decision based on my preference, not on pricing. By the way, I don't like the way in which you're treating me, and I really feel like you are not giving me the customer service I deserve.”
The salesperson then abruptly stopped midway through my transaction and asked someone else to help me; no explanation, no apology, no nothing. I then asked to speak to the manager, who then came out and attempted to buy off my complaint by “giving” me a perfume bottle clearly marked “demonstration tester” and a gift card to a coffee shop. I was beyond offended. I did not come into this store to get a “free gift with purchase” nor did I come to make a bargain yet, I was treated as if I were in the middle of the garment district playing “Let’s make a deal.”
Now then, for the record, I am not some Jesse Jackson acolyte who sees racism lurking behind every corner. I am not some person out of work complaining about how "the white man keeps the black man down." I recognize that there is a world of difference between a lynch mob hanging me from a tree and some jerk of a clerk looking down his nose at me because I'm young, pretty, and Black.
I am not saying that racism isn't dying, because it is--finally being smothered to death by character, higher standards, diversity and reason. To be sure, we live in a climate that now allows the consideration of a Hilary Clinton / Barack Obama administration versus a possible Rudy Giuliani / Condoleezza Rice ticket across the aisle. If that isn't progress, then I don't know what is.
What I am saying is that the attitude of this Mont Blanc salesperson and the recent tirades (and subsequent flimsy apologies) by Michael Richards, Don Imus, Vivica A. Fox, Andy Dick, and Mel Gibson reveal that the anachronism of racism is still prevalent. There are those out there who continue to hold to the ancient notions that the amount of melanin in one's skin is somehow relevant to one's wealth or character. Sadly, there are a few more persons still fighting that old, dying, race-based fight; every bit as defeated and futile as the old Japanese soldiers hiding out on islands, still fighting World War II in the '50's.
As an educated Black woman, my initial reaction to this blatant lack of regard by “Mr. Mont Blanc” was sadness, pity, and indignation. Upon reflection, my reaction as a person (regardless of my color or gender) is contempt, with a nice healthy dose of pity thrown in for good measure. I was tempted to dismiss “Mr. Mont Blanc” because of ignorance, but because ignorance is a lack of knowledge, “Mr. Mont Blanc” does not receive the luxury of that excuse.
Since I believe that he had full knowledge of his snobbery and racism, I find that this wasn't ignorance--it was a lack of wisdom. It was unwise because I surely will not be the last to expose this Neanderthal for the troglodyte he is, as well as Mont Blanc for being the paternalistic endorsers of these ideals. There is no more room in America, California, or Los Angeles for this ridiculous and shameful behavior because this very behavior keeps the dying corpse of racism on life support.
I decided to give my accountant the pen along with a copy of this letter. I do not plan to boycott Mont Blanc; I just do not plan to give my money to the boutique in the Beverly Center Mall. Perhaps what they could use now is some diversity training. If not, they stand to lose a lot more business from my fellow college educated “melanin challenged” colleagues.
© 2006-2007 Dawn R. Johnson – “The Self-Esteem Queen”™
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A celebrated servant-leader, internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist, Dawn Johnson, the acclaimed “Self Esteem Queen”™, is one of today’s leading experts on transformational leadership, entrepreneur personal development, and self-esteem enhancement. To learn more about Dawn’s products and sign up to receive FREE tips on business, personal enhancement, visit her site at http://www.selfesteemqueen.com.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to dawn@selfesteemqueen.com.
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